Jokes

[Duddahs]

We all love to laugh ;D ;D

This is the place for you to share with all of the other site members that wonderful Joke that you just heard or someone just sent to you.

Now, remember, all Jokes must be no rated higher than PG-13 as we do cater to kids as well as adults here.

So keep it clean, keep it fun and most of all, keep them coming! ;D ;D

If you are not sure if a joke is too racy for this site, please forward it to an administrator for approval prior to posting it.

Let the Jokes begin!

[misscharlotte]

I know only ONE joke.. and I've been telling it for years... so if you have heard it already... plug your ears so not to have to endure the pain again. LOL.

There once were two little old ladies in a nursing home. One day they were they were sitting there looking out of the window. One of the two ladies asked the nurse...

"You know it's a beauuuutiful day outside today. May we go outside to enjoy getting a bit of fresh air?"

The nurse said, "Sure." So she wheeled each lady out there and parked them both under a huge tree, then left them there for a while.

Well, after a while the first little old lady said to the second little old lady...

"You know, we've been sitting here soooo long. I think my tail end fell asleep."

The second little old lady said to the first...

"I thought I heard it snoring a little while ago."

[Duddahs]

;D ;D ;D

[Duddahs]

Knock, Knock......
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Who's there?
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You know who!
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You know who WHO?
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AVADA KEDAVRA! THAT's WHO!

[grandpalovegood]

Uh....

Ok I get it now.. ;D

[misscharlotte]

OH you would not believe what happened to me the other day. I was driving down the road and had stopped at a red light. Well.. in front of us was this ambulance. They stopped for a second, when they saw all was clear they took off through the light. They had the lights and sirens on and everything... Well, when they took off in a hurry something fell out of the back. They didn't know that this happened. Of course I couldn't drive over it. So I went out to pick it up.. It had to be something important. It was a small cooler/ice chest.

Well by this time they were gone.. So I pulled over and called 911. I told them what happened. Well the lady on the phone asked me to look inside to tell me if anything was inside of it. So I did. Ew.. there was some guys toe. I told her I had no idea which hospital the ambulance was headed for. If she knew then I could take it to them immediately.. She said that's ok. That I needed to stay right there that she'll send out a toe truck to pick it up.

[rin68nyr]

*groans* ;D LOL

Erin

[JB Rockus]

oh no!!!! that one was a groaner! ;D but cute!

good jokes!! i have loads, but most are too strong to post at this site

[Duddahs]

Oooooohhhhh so, so, so, ;D

[Duddahs]

BOB & THE BLONDE:

[]


Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar
And stared up at the TV.

The 10 PM news was coming on.
The news crew was covering the

story
Of a man on the ledge of a large building
Preparing to jump.


[]


The blonde looked at Bob and said,
"Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said,
"You know, I bet

he'll jump."

The blonde replied,
"Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said,
"You're on!"

[]

Just as the

blonde placed her money on the bar,
The guy on the ledge
Did a swan dive off the building,
Falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset,
But willingly handed her $20 to Bob.
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."

[]

Bob replied,
"I can't take your money.
I saw this earlier on the 5

PM news,
So I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied,
"I did, too,
But I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money.

[misscharlotte]

;D

[fangsfan1]

I have a friend from work who is a blonde herself, loves "blonde jokes" and is always telling them. She would get a HUGE kick out of this!!!

[misscharlotte]

She's a lady after my own heart... I used to dye my natural blond hair deep red for about 15-17 years... but I ONLY told blond jokes while I was my natural color. Don't ask me why?


OK here is mine...

How many natural blonds living in southern california can you fit into a phone booth?







both of them.

[rin68nyr]

LOL I don't really think that blondes are dumb...but those were funny!

Erin

[JB Rockus]

Those Tennessee hillbillies are sometimes sharp!

A man and his wife, moved back home to Tennessee from Michigan .
The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Michigan
cost them $2000 per year!

When they arrived in Tennessee , they went to an insurance agency
to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said: '$39.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in
Tennessee to insure it because it cost him $2000 in Michigan !

The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and
said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure,
with a
sprinkler system above it, is $39... You just have to know how to
describe it!

( HILLBILLIES know how "to git 'er done")

[JB Rockus]

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.

[Duddahs]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[grandpalovegood]

I thought I posted here earlier... JB those are so funny. ;D

[Duddahs]

JB,,, That is not a very brave but very dumb man to confront his wife like that...

Looks like someone is going to be sleeping on the couch for a month!

[fangsfan1]

I don't know many jokes but this is one the minister of our church told us.
Seems there was a young bride who was terrified of going through the wedding ceremony in front of all those people. She went to her pastor for help.
The pastor told her to concentrate on three things and it would help her through the ceremony.
The first one-The Aisle. Just concentrate on walking straight down the aisle til you get to the end.
The second one-The Altar. Once you're walking down the aisle concentrate on reaching the altar.
The third one-Him-your groom-remember that he is your destination once you get to the altar.
Well the ceremony went off without a hitch and the bride was wonderfully calmed by using these hints. There was only one smal problem-the wedding guests were a bit dismayed at the bride walking down muttering to herself out loud
"I'll alter him
"I'll alter him
"I'll alter him.......