The Lady On The Vine

[Phoenix]

-nods-
Hello all! This here is a fic I'm writing....Constructive Criticism is encouraged.
-yesyes-
The prologue is very short; Ah well. Here's you go!
If you read, please respond. I want to feel like someone's going to read this!

And now ladies and gents, I present to you "The Lady On The Vine"!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prologue: Those

It was never too late to start. Or was it? He certainly hadn’t wanted this. It had been such a short time ago, much too short to start thinking about…..those…..He clenched his fist. What on earth had he gotten himself into? It wasn’t like he had been forced into it; he had chosen it, yes, most definitely. But….. Why? He supposed that bad decisions only look bad in retrospect…A rather circuitous view. But it wasn’t like people hadn’t tried to stop him. He had thrown them away, like so many wisps of smoke. If only, if only…But…..maybe it was for the better. Maybe doing…..those……wasn’t such a bad idea. After all, so many had done it before….Not that there were many first hand accounts, no, must of……..those……..had died. Well, he certainly wouldn’t be held responsible; no sirree. It was that meddling boy’s fault and his stupid father. That wouldn’t stop him this time. He would do it again, only better. And then…..yes, then……he would be the one to claim……..those.

[Duddahs]

Hi Phoenix,

I wish I could give good constructive critique on your beginning to your story but I find I can not figure it out at all. I was absolutely lost, maybe that is what I get for being so old. My brain is drying up.

Also, a common mistake that I used to make was excessive punctuation. Visually the multiple period marks are disconcerting. I think you could easily get away with using one period or one comma for punctuation. I understand you are trying to get us to pause while reading but it just makes it a bit harder to read through I believe. Someone very kind explained to me that this very problem was one that I committed and I have tried to keep it under control ever since.

Good luck with your story.

[nz101nz]

I like the suspenseful prologue; it encourages me to read on.

BTW, this sounds like a Snape fanfic. Am I correct?

[rin68nyr]

Honestly, I'm not sure what to think, yet. I'm definitely intrigued. Your prologue leaves me with lots of questions that I want to find the answers to, which is (I think) what you were going for. I want to know who "he" is, who the boy and his father are, and of course, what THOSE are. I'm interested to read what comes next. Then I'll be able to figure out what I think of the prologue. Looking forward to more!

Erin

[Phoenix]

All in due time everyone.

Duddahs- Thanks for the tips! I'll try to use less punctuation in future.

AHhhhhh, no time to write this at the moment; hopefully more time later.

[Duddahs]

You are more than welcome Phoenix.

I am just passing it forward.

[grandpalovegood]

I think he did good... then I love the triple period pauses... They are more easy to read than commas. Oh and I agree... Sounds like Snape. Still, what would be the next part we would read. Yep... caught my attention.

[nz101nz]

Yeah, I cannot wait for the next post!