The Quibbler Magazine (articles, HP type ads etc.)

[misscharlotte]

Do YOU have what it takes to be a reporter? Are you a vender and need a place to advertise your Products? Yep this is fanfiction on a mini scale.

Back ages ago, a little bit before the last WB makeover... I had my Quibbler thread going on the old boards. Well, I did make some changes when the WB also made some changes.. I dropped some features that my old Quibbler had going... sort of mini articles some people were writing... "Leaky Cauldron Bottoms and What the Ministry is Doing about them." or "Missing! Snape's Teddy Bear, Stay Tuned for the Latest Sightings." Even the advertisments were all Harry Potter style.I know this was when I created my first Howie Honeyduke SN... and placed advertisements in the Quibbler.. Specials of the week.

So...if you think you have what it takes.. Then Please submit all writings HERE to Grandpalovegood.. editor and Chief of the Quibbler Magazine.

This floor is yours...

London Lovegood
(aka... Grandpa Lovegood )

(Also think... We have all been to JKR's site right? then the radio would be playing there.. Roots Toots and Scoots... something like that. This is the place to continue on in that spirit.. What would YOU think you would read about if YOU had a Quibbler or a Daily Prophet?)

[Duddahs]

Extra, extra, read all about it!

It has been rumoured round town on the whispering winds that Harry Potter yes THE CHOSEN ONE HIMSELF, is secretly into cross dressing..

Seems he enjoyed all too much the filming of the Seven Potters Scene.

Albus Dumbledore who was interviewed for this story via his official portrait hanging in the Headmasters office. Dumby has denied that he had ever seen Harry Cross Dress before.. It is possibly important to mention the fact that Dumbledore, who during his tenure as Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Wizarding and Witchcraft was well known for prancing around the school as if it were his own version of Barbies Dream Castle. Often to be found in a flowing Purple Negligee' was backed up by another Hogwarts Professor.

Professor Gilderoy Lockhart of Gilderoy Lockhart Fame.. Gilderoy has been quoted as saying " You must be Barmy! This is absurd! Harry has no fashion sense what so ever.. Have you ever seen that dreadful Hag and the messy Ginger with the holey hand me downs that he surrounds himself with? For Merlins sake, they would toss him out of Saks Diagon Alley if he ever breached their doorstep".

Lockhart can be found these days brushing out his many wigs while wandering around St. Mungo's Hospital in a lovely Baby Blue One Piece with a slit all the way up the back.... Ooooh Gilderoy, you naughty boy!

[grandpalovegood]

;D This is perfect... You defiantly understood the meaning of this magazine.

[Duddahs]

Breaking News---Breaking News----Breaking News------Breaking News----

Orlando Florida:

12:31 pm Eastern Time.

3 Dozen Injured, another Dozen Missing and 1 Confirmed Death. Orlando Florida Police have confirmed the Death of at least 1 and the hospitalization of at least 3 Dozen others while at least another Dozen are presumed missing in the wreckage of a Ramada Conference Center in downtown Orlando Florida.

It has been reported by Assistant Chief of Police Ignotus B. Goode that at 11:am Thursday September 22 that an all out brawl and gang warfare fight broke out in the parking lot of the Ramada which has been under renovations since a recent spate of Bed thefts, which has been reportedly caused by Bugs in the rooms. These Bed Bugs have taken the rooms by storm, stealing sheets, pillowcases and mattresses at will.

Now back to our report;

Orlando Florida, It has been reported by Local Union Head Steward Steven Vander Ark, Mr. VanderArk has told the Florida Sun Times that a disagreement broke out between one Minnie Mouse and one Hermione Granger.. It seems that Ms. Mouse who happens to be at the time estranged from her husband, Mr. Mickey Flynn Mouse.

Well, Ms. Mouse apparently approached Miss Granger and a shoving match ensued. The groups representing the Magical Kingdom of Mickey Mouse and those representing Universal Studios home of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, spilled out en mass into the parking lot just outside the conference room emergency exit.

It has been reported by Mr. Vander Ark that Ms. Mouse had made prepared degrading remarks toward one Mr. Harry Potter. It has been reported that Ms. Mouse accused Mr. Potter with stealing the intellectual properties owned by her estranged husband, Mr. Mickey Flynn Mouse.. It seems that Ms. Mouse believes that since Mr. Mouse first performed in the Sorcerers Apprentice that he has the intellectual rights to the Wizarding Worlds and all things associated with it.

Miss Granger responded to Ms. Mouse, pointing out that her husband was just an Apprentice and the One Mr. Harry James Potter was a full blown Wizard having been rewarded by the Ministry of Magic with his full WGED, after he had skipped his senior year at Hogwarts in order to pursue what he terms as "Finding Himself".

Ms. Mouse countered that a WGED was nothing compared to the lifetime of lessons learned by her Husband.

At some point Mr. VanderArk reports that Miss Granger accused Ms. Mouse of just trying to get her filthy paws on Harry's Galleons and his Sorcerers Stones too as there have been rumors that Ms. Mouse and Goofy have been seen about town whooping it up and stumbling out of establishment after establishment after nights of Butterbeer consumption.

It has also been rumored that Ms. Mouse was going to take Mr. Mouse for everything including the House that was built by the Mouse for it has been rumored that Mr. Mouse and Mr. Donald A. Duck have had a long term on again, off again affair. It has been also been reported that Mr. Mouse has been also linked to Prince Charming, Pinocchio and even Dopey who was known to have lived with 6 other men and one woman in a very questionable situation in the forest surrounding Orlando.

The supporters on both sides broke out into full defense and then the physical altercation ensued.

It has been reported by several injured parties that it was a call to arms by the Queen of Hearts screaming OFF WITH HER HEAD! That led to most of the Mouse followers to charge at the followers of one Harry Potter.

It has been reported that one of the Small World children has been found headless and yet another that a rouge Basalisk was let loose on the ensuing masses of Mouse supporters..

Once the dust settled and the Law Enforcement Officials broke up the altercation, Helicopters were brought in to take many of the critically injured to local cartoonists for repairs. Rips and Tears along with much spilled ink were noted by this reporter on the site.. Inferi were seen walking around like Zombies while Elephants in tutu's were seen being chased by Crocodiles in tights.

In this reporters exclusive interview with Mr. Steven VanderArk, Mr. Vanderark has confirmed that HE actually owns the intellectual rights to everything in the wizarding world and the Magical Kingdom because as a part time Librarian, he has been forced to read to so many ignorant children over the years that he just feels that he is owed this. So he claims it all for himself.. Please see his new book, Wizarding, Magical ME! by Steven VanderArk on BS Press coming to bookstores near you the day before the release of Deathly Hallows 1.


More on the 11.00 NEWTS....

[misscharlotte]

Whoa.... Honey did you see this?




*snickers* Looks like you are having fun... Good read. ;D

[fangsfan1]

More Bands Announced for Hogsmeades Magic Music Festival

More bands have been announced for the 5th annual Hogsmeades Festival, which has become one of the most popular and profitable events in Hogsmeade history.
Bands which have recently confirmed to appear include hard rock bands Bathilda's Brain Trust, The Ton Tongue Toffies, and The Corny Fudges, and indie band The Pensive Pensieves.
Record company Ravenclaws Greygrass has announced a showcase which will feature country bands Hedwig's Hootenanny, Tooney D and the Dursleys, Abie and the Goats, and The Pumpkin Patches.
Also recently confirmed are world band Alohomora, Rock band Wizard's Chess, and punk rockers
I Can See Thestrals.
More Bands for the festival are set to be announced later in the month.

Written by Fangsfan1, official Muggle correspondant for Hogsmeade Enterprises.

[grandpalovegood]

LOL




Hey Honey... We got to tell JB about this.. She's not going to want to miss out on a band festival at Hogsmeade.

[rin68nyr]

LOL I love this thread!

[Duddahs]

First Jack of the Season
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I was walking down the heavily trodden path that leads from the Hogwarts Castle to Hagrid's Hut and then the Forbidden forest beyond, I was taken aback by a low moan and then the obvious cry of a new born..

A Newborn I asked myself, how and why would there be a newborn way out here so close to the Forbidden Forest?

I feared for my life as I slowly approached Hagrid's Hut. There along side the thatched roofed wooden structure was a massive hulking figure. It seemed to lumber so dangerously amongst the heavy and large leaves of some bizarre looking foliage.

Then it suddenly brought itself to it's full height. My heart leapt in my chest and a scream was chocked silent in my closed throat.

Then my fears turned to a fit of laughter as I realized that it was none other than Hagrid himself. Now who else could it or would it have been there in his garden? How foolish I felt as the color once again returned to my face and the rush of blood once again returned from my heart to my brain.

I had to compose myself briefly as I worked up my question for the Keeper of Keys and present day care of Magical Creatures caretaker. Then it came to me in a flash.

"Hagrid, what the heck was that thing that sounded like a baby's cry?"

I felt that my query was to the point but well presented.

Hagrid turned to me with his twinkling beetle like jet black eyes. His face covered not only in strands of tangled hair but with dirt and what also appeared to be somewhat dried Dragon Dung hanging from the ends of his facial growth.

He wiped his brow with his sleeve and then while still kneeling in the foliage he produced a huge Pumpkin.. But was it actually a Pumpkin? It had both vertical lines as well as several horizontal and then some diagonal lines upon its surface. Its long and curved handle firmly gripped in Hagrids over-sized hand.

Then in a flash, one of the diagonal lines separated, a Baby Blue Eye was staring right at me.. I almost jumped out of my skin as I witnessed what could only be considered a miracle.. It was after-all the birth of the Seasons very first Jack-O-Lantern.

Hagrid laughed and told me to wait just a second more as there was something he wished for me to see.

Then it happened. A long horizontal line began to curve itself upward at the ends, it began to become staggered and then there was another series of lines above this that created the shape of a triangle. Then another gash like line appeared opposite the Baby Blue Eye and there it was!

It shook and rattled while dangling from Hagrid's firm grip.

The lines all began to show signs of growth and then they all burst at the same time.

The curved horizontal line turned into a wide open mouth complete with one very small tooth in its smile. The triangle recessed itself and it showed a nose had been born... The other Eye opened to reveal yet another Baby Blue staring at this reporter.

So you see, it must be that season again. The Jacks are a crying in the fields and the bats are a buzzing though the sky's.

In no time it will be All Hallows Eve!

Luna Lovegood-Scamander
Roaming Reporter
The Quibbler

[grandpalovegood]

I just love this story.. It sounds just like one you would imagine people telling their kids or grandkids.. I'll tell you this.. I'll never look at a Jack o lantern the same way again.

TO be honest.. I thought you were going to report that Luna caught Hagrid cross breeding once again.. but this time Mandrakes with Pumpkin.. I'm glad I was wrong.

[Duddahs]

LOST and FOUND

Lost; One adorable eight legged Acromantula puppy. Answers to the name Perseus. 4 weeks old and weighs only about 2 stone. Very friendly but don't let his shy disposition fool you, those pincers are still a bit sharp. He don't know his own stength he don't. Reward of 20 Galleon for the return of my pup in live condition. 2 Galleons if he be dead. Contact Hagrid on the Hogwarts Grounds or leave a message with Madame Rosemerta at the Three Broomsticks if I'm unavailable.

[grandpalovegood]

Hey Honey... Looks like Hagrid lost one of his spiders again... He says if we see him to let him know. I know I have not seen any around here. Makes a mental note that if or when I do to contact Hagr...

[Duddahs]

WANTED

Cold Owl is looking for firewood to be placed into the Stone Fireplaces in the House Common Rooms..

Only clean, split wood please.. No wet or rotted wood. NO NARGLES.

You must stack deliver.

Leave a message wanted $$$ with Argus Filch.

[fangsfan1]

Repair Wizards Wanted:
1 mismatched love potion-the drinker falls in love with himself instead of the one handing him the potion.
1 faulty polyjuice potion. Causes the drinker to retain the bottom half of his body-only the top half changes.
1 shorted out delumintator-turns the light out but also causes the bulbs to explode.
1 box of malfunctioning chocolate frog cards-the frogs are jumping out and biting the cardholder on the nose.
1 faulty Howler-whistles and tapdances when opened instead of yelling.
Anyone knowing how to fix these items please contact Auror Dawlish, currently residing at St Mungo's Hospital.

[grandpalovegood]

Uh oh! Honey... make sure you don't eat any of Fangfan's brownies... It appears she's having a bit of potion trouble.. Maybe a Cornish Pixie snuck in her kitchen.

Oooo! Hear this! Seems like Albus is having trouble with the elves up at the school. I wonder if they finally revolted?! ;D

[Duddahs]

Breaking News....Breaking News.....Breaking News.....


Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has announced that their Chickens have gone on strike due to the poor working conditions..

They are demanding Candy Corn for Halloween and that the House Elves warm their hands prior to removing their eggs from beneath them.

We have tried to contact the staff at Hogwarts. No response has been made to our requests.

Xeno Lovegood
Editor, The Quibbler

[Duddahs]

Help Wanted

Full time. 10 Months work 12 Months Pay. Come join our ever growing and expanding group of Wizarding Professionals.
Set your own agenda within our academic guidelines. We offer your own private office, weekends off. All meals and expert laundry service available upon request.
You, must be alive, able to get along with both children and staff alike.
If you are one of those special people who love to share with others. Not afraid to stand up to those who might wish to intimidate you. If you are a self starter and willing to be paid in by the years completion then this is the opportunity of your lifetime.
Please contact the Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizarding.
No Death Eaters need apply.

[Duddahs]

FOUND

Cute and cuddly little black kitten. Has a loud ROAR very much like a Lion. Has been declawed and seems to understand English.

If you have lost this little cutey or if you just wish to give it a good home, call me. I have too many to care for at the moment otherwise I would have kept her myself.

Respond to Arrabella Figg at Box 777 the Quibbler.

[fangsfan1]

More Bands Announced for Hogmeade Music Festival

The following bands have been confirmed to appear:

Molly and the Wobbles
NMDYB
The Sorting Hats
Snorkack's Revenge
Raven and the Gray Ladies
The Brain Room
Deddy and The Diggles
The Wailin' Mandrakes
Ghouls In the Attic
Myrtle and the Splashers
The Treacle Tarts

More confirmed bands will be announced soon for the highly anticipated music festival which takes place this March.

[Rom The House Elf]

The Wailin' Mandrakes? I just LOVE this group... I have their every single they produced. I must get tickets to the festival.