WRITING CONTEST

[rallem]

The deadline is up to Duddahs. I still haven't gotten started on my story. I have to think about a homework assignment and start writing that first, then I have to start gathering up some digital images and pooling them together so I can work with photoshop.

[Duddahs]

Deadline is this coming Wednesday Eve. Hope someone writes something, or I might have scared all of you off with the prospect of having to write about Fluoride?

[rallem]

I plan on writing something Duddahs, but I am a little behind on my homework for school.

[rallem]

Ok here is my entry. I should have been doing homework, but I'm having troubles getting my mind into it.

Pansy nervously began to wring her hands as she leaned closer to her fellow Slytherin. "Where did you get that filthy thing Draco? I don't believe that Professor Snape is going to allow you to keep it in your dorm."

“Of course I won’t be keeping it in my dorm Pansy, any one of you might try to STEAL it,” replied Draco. “I have a much better place for this in mind.”

Pansy and the rest of the Slytherin students in the common room let out a brief chuckle and pansy retorted, “Why would anyone want to steal your SLED?”

“The muggles call these things snow mobiles, and to answer your earlier question I took this off of a muggle TRACTOR TRAILER.”

Pansy thought about things for a moment and asked, “Why would you want a muggle vehicle?”

“Simple Pansy, I plan on charming this vehicle to ride on the WIND faster than any broom ever could and then using it in the final Quidditch match against Gryffindor.” Draco let his words sink in before continuing, “Potter won’t see this one coming.”

Pansy again paused to think things over and then asked, “Aren’t enchanted muggle vehicles banned from the game?”

“No! They’re not Pansy. I read the rules very carefully and they only list specific objects and vehicles as banned. They say no flying carpets are allowed, they say no flying cars are allowed, and they say no flying motor cycles are allowed, but nowhere does it say no flying snow mobiles.”

Pansy quickly answered, “They’ll quickly change that rule.”

Draco waved off her argument, “I only need it once. Besides people won’t be able to copy me. The only problem is these snow mobiles run on FLUORIDE, and I need to find enough.”

Crabbe raised his hand and spoke, “I believe Snow mobiles run on gasoline much like most other muggle vehicles.”

Everyone looked at Crabbe as if he spoke some foreign language, “What? My parents took me to Stowe, Vermont last break and we rode around on snow mobiles. It was great fun, but they’re very dangerous.”

Draco snickered and responded, “Fluoride or gasoline? It doesn’t matter they’re both used to clean your teeth right?” Everyone in the common room laughed loudly.

[rin68nyr]

Wed. is great...that will give me 2 karate classes to write during..not just one like last time! LOL!

Erin

[rallem]

I look forward to reading your story Erin.

[grandpalovegood]

I just finished reading this thread. Sorry it took me too long to have clearity of mind to actually put in the time to read. (I've found waking at 4am is quiet time for doing this. Really, this time is akin to MY early evening.) Anyway... I just wanted to enjoy my time here and that I did.

I read all of the stories to date.... except for the last entry of Rallem's. (I've changed my password to my computer so my daughter can't try to bump me off of my own compter on my only days off. Good grief. She has her own laptop, she just prefers to use a keyboard and mouse and sit at mine.) So with that said, I need to go get my son for the day today and maybe I'll have an entry of my own to add.

Going back to the discussion about judging each other and such.... I honestly don't see HOW you guys could judge each other's when I found ALL of the entries to date to be quite well written... or at least in my humble opinion. I still, do not want to join in the contest but I am warming up to the idea of posting something anyway... just for fun to challenge myself.

Thanks to all of you for sharing what you have written so far. I so enjoyed reading it.

ps.... Erin... so sorry to hear about your friend. My condolances.

[rallem]

I hope that my last story isn't so bad that people are opting not to read it.

[grandpalovegood]

;D Naaaa....

I'm not reading it because I have yet to write my OWN thing... I don't wish to have any influences from anyone else's story.

I'll read yours after I post mine.

[rallem]

I look forward to reading yours.

[grandpalovegood]

Pansy nervously began to wring her hands as she leaned closer to her fellow Slytherin.

"Where did you get that filthy thing Draco? I don't believe that Professor Snape is going to allow you to keep it in your dorm."

"None of your business girl," he said with a curled lip. “If I wanted YOU to know, then I would have told you already.” He got up and pocketed the item as he crossed the room.
Crabbe and Goyle began to laugh.

"What are you two laughing about? There is nothing funny going on here." Draco shook his head.

"What a couple of morons? I don't know why I ever let them be in my presence." He thinks to himself. Then he holds himself up tall, while wearing a smug look upon his pointed face.

Suddenly, the door to the common room bursts open, causing the occupants to startle. Standing there at the top of the steps is Snape, serveying the room for something, someone in particular. Suddenly, Draco's face turns more pale than usual. The boy swallows hard as he realizes he's been caught.

"Come here boy!" shouts Snape. "NOW!"

Draco stands there frozen in place. Snape crosses the room so quickly that the WIND blew his oily curtained hair back. He grabs the boy by the back of his robes.

"You will answer for this." Snape hisses.

Nearly picking up the young Slytherin, he drags him out of the room into the hall.

"But sir! But sir!" he stammers. "What do you think I've done?"

"You know good and well what you have done. Don't lie to me!" Snape finally reaching his office, throws the boy inside and slams the door hard. Draco might as well have been on a SLED, for he slid across the floor on his rear end easily.

Snape draws out his wand and points it at him. He slowly walks towards the boy as he looks down his hooked nose at him. Draco looks up at this frightening sight.

"But sir!...." He said with his voice failing... trailing off.

Snape says the magical words then suddenly the item in Draco's pocket begins to shake violently. Draco's eyes widen in fear.

"YOU TOOK IT!" Snape yelled. "You took it," he said much quieter.

"I see there is something in your pocket that wants to get out." He narrows his cold, dark eyes at him. Draco holds down his face. With guilt he slowly pulls out the item which was inside his robe pocket, then looks up to meet Snape's eyes once again. Snape holds out an opened hand.

Draco takes one more long lasting look at the image of Gilderoy Lockhart with his award winning smile. A smile so white that you know he keeps stock of plenty of FLOURIDE. There he be, sitting, smiling as he was riding the strange muggle contraption a TRACTOR TRAILER while waving to all who sees. Draco smiles once again as he returns Snape the tiny portrait that he so desired.

"You don't EVER STEAL from me boy! Ever!"

[rallem]

Nice Misscharlotte, but now I want to know why Severus keeps a picture of Gilderoy. ;D

[grandpalovegood]

Hey how am I supposed to know? I just sit down and out it comes. Maybe you can tell me. ;D


edited... Rallem... Yours cracked me up.. I would mention what exactly but I don't want to spoil it for others who have not had the opportunity yet.

Come on Erin.... You are up!

[rin68nyr]

OK..not my best, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway!

******************************************************************
Pansy nervously began to wring her hands as she leaned closer to her fellow Slytherin. "Where did you get that filthy thing Draco? I don't believe that Professor Snape is going to allow you to keep it in your dorm." Draco smirked “Don’t worry about him, he won’t even know it’s here.” “What is it, anyway?” asked Pansy looking at the ugly, viny, dirty plant. “It’s a venomous muggletacula.” “And just what is THAT?” Well, it’s bred from a venomous tentacula, but this one attacks anyone who isn’t pure blood…it will be mature, and ready for me to set up in the main hall in just a few days…I can’t wait to see who it finds first…personally, I hope it’s Granger.”

Draco carried the already large plant up to his dorm, and placed it beside his bed. It really was very dirty. The vines kept digging through the dirt to reach the minerals it needed from the soil. It was starting to get hungry…it would serve it’s purpose very soon. Draco got some water, and poured it into the pot. Just a couple more nights and it would be ready. Draco would know that it was mature, when the ends of the plant started smelling people as they walked by…smelling their blood.

On Thursday night, Draco came back from sledding, and leaned his SLED against the wall. He felt something tickle his face…as he brushed it away, he realized it was his muggletacula…taking it’s first baby breaths. He grinned. It would be ready for him to sneak it up to the great hall early the next morning. If he did it early enough, no one would see him bring it there. He told Crabbe and Goyle that they were going to get up early as well, to help be lookouts, and carry the now humongous plant up the stairs. Much bigger, and it would need a TRACTOR TRAILER to move it.

He went to go brush his teeth, and had to STEAL toothpaste from Goyle, as he couldn’t find his. Yes, good, it had FLOURIDE…Draco had to keep up his image after all.

As he fell asleep, Draco dreamed of his plant obliterating all of the muggleborns, and he smiled in his sleep. “AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Draco woke up yelling…something was beating him so swiftly, it was creating WIND all around him. He went to reach for his wand, but the vines of his muggletacula were encircling him tightly. “Well don’t just stand there!” he shouted to Crabbe and Goyle, who were staring with their mouths hanging open. A flash of light, and his muggletacula went limp and released him. Draco looked up, and there was Snape looking at him with asmirk of contempt. “Don’t you know, Draco, that there really ARE no pure blood wizards anymore? A muggletacula can smell minute amounts of non-magical blood.” Snape leered as he turned, and with a swish of his wand, made the plant disappear. “You really do have a lot to learn, Draco.” And with that, Snape left.

[rallem]

I really like this story Erin, especially the ending. I really do not envy Duddahs here. He has two really great stories and mine to judge this week. I would have a difficult time choosing.

[rin68nyr]

Rallem and Miss C. I finally had a chance to read yours, and they both made me laugh....in a good way! Nice job both of you! I echo Rallem...Duddahs doesn't have an easy job this week!

Erin

[Duddahs]

Well, you are all correct, this was very difficult. Difficult indeed. I really am not positive that I am making the correct choice but here is what happened.

I read Rallem's when he first posted it. I really enjoyed it but no one else had posted one and I just waited and waited. Tonight I come home from work, have dinner and finally get ready for bed but as usual, I check in here before turning out the lights.

Low and behold, TWO more stories, yep, TWO!

The difficulty was just beginning. Since I had read Rallems so long ago, I had decided to read the two new stories first and then Rallems again. Then I decided to read them all again in reverse order because I was not convinced of any clear cut winner.

Here is what I found... I really love the structure and the ease of reading Rallems story. It flowed not unlike a very good Fanfic. In fact, it was written very much like a Fanfic.

Then I came to Miss Charlotte's.. A little tweaking to the structure and I think this story would have sung the national anthem! It needs a little work on where the sentences end and begin sometimes. Other than that I found the story to be excellent and what I loved is the attitude that Snape projected. It really seemed to have caught his character well.

Erin's story has strength not only in grammar but in sentence structure and punctuation. This story was really very good too but I am not sure that the character of Professor Snape came across half as strong as it could have. The story you presented here Erin was so good, it almost demands that Snape be a more forceful character. What I did notice is that you had Snape calling him Draco instead of Malfoy or Mr. Malfoy by which he always addressed him in the actual books..

I am now almost as confused as when I had first started and only wish I could give each of you the win for the strengths that each story brought to represent itself with.

Alas, it would not be fair to chicken out so here is my decision and it really is a hard one..

I have to go with Miss Charlotte's story. Based solely on the story itself and the character portrayals.

I hope none of you are angry with me over this one, as I truly did enjoy all three.

I personally find by having to critique someone Else's story, it makes me realize some of the fundamental mistakes I make when I write and also shows me what are some of the things that make up a Good Story vs a good story.

Duddahs puts down the Quick Quotes Quill trophy and runs out of the room before anyone of you three show up and throttle the ole bird to death!

[grandpalovegood]

Yeah you better run... I didn't want to ENTER the contest but play along side of it. Still, everyone else saw the same as you. I guess that was my goof huh? i48.TP .com/2dif02f.gif[/img] I know how I'm going to do this the next time. *snickers evilly* Still, thanks for your kind words... I AM humbled. I feel the others here have done far better than I.

SO.... I HAVE to be the next judge huh? The whole point in why I didn't want to enter. I'm not qualified to do so and so it will show soon. Put it this way... I won't judge on grammar or any of that but only on story content and how true it stays to the books and the world of Harry Potter..... eek.

......

The air is cold and the sky is dark. The sound of heavy breathing is heard as he runs pushing his way past tree after tree. He slips and falls to the earth. On his hands and knees he clinches his fists within the wet dead leaves. With frustration he screams out in anger.

"How could he?" he thinks to himself? Suddenly the loud cry of an animal echoes through the woods. It's not far away......


Five words huh?... OK.

BEAST
SPELL
TOOTH
EVIL
LIGHT

[rin68nyr]

Hey duddahs...good job! You're right..I try to stick to the essence of the books, and I knew that I had wanted a better ending for Snape...and you also saw the mistake of "Draco" vs. "Malfoy"... you're absolutely right, I missed that one. I honestly felt the others were better this time around. I can console myself only in that this took me 40 minutes from start to finish. If I had had time, perhaps I could have pulled it off better. But hey...sometimes other priorites have to come first!

I truly enjoyed both other stories, and loved the twist ending on Miss. C.s Congrats, Miss C! Well deserved! As for the judging...none of us here are truly "qualified"...it's always a tough decision, and we're pretty forgiving here....I promise we will all still be your friends!

Hopefully I'll have more time to put into it this week! When do you want our stories in?

Erin

[grandpalovegood]

i48.TP .com/2ykaru0.gif[/img] You promise? Oh thank you. I've seen it all too often in the past with other friends on other sites where they would leave because of being judged for something they put in their hard work for. Then the rest of us will suffer because the loss of that missing friend. I will promise in return to be as fair as possible.

Deadline? I thought it was a week... I guess we can say Monday evening... If anyone can't make it by then next Wednesday? We will have to see I guess.

Again thanks.